LA DEE DA

YES. Boy issues.

AGAIN?

Yes.

Oh My Gosh.

Urrrghhh. I really don't wanna talk about it. But here are the facts.

• He's 19
• I'm 15
• He hugs ALOT.
• I like him.
• He kissed me on the cheek tonight and said I was his best friend. HEEHEE.

I really like being his friend. But Rachel says that guys and girls can never stay "just friends" And as much as I don't want to believe it, I know she's right. She says she doesn't think he's good for me. Hmmmmm. ><  I've been praying about it for a while for God to give me a sign of whether or not God wants me to date him.Right now I'm still not sure. And then there's this thing where he's in ballet and he's been auditioning for the company in Dallas. And I can tell I'm becoming attached because part of me wants him to do really well and succeed and the other part wants him to stay in houston with me FOREVER! Anyway. We all know which side is being logical and which side is being STUPID and hopelessly romantic. Anyhoo... I think I'll wait until I'm 20 and then he'll be 24 and the age difference won't matter as much and we can get married and live happily ever after!

Right.

Anyway. I'm just going to try hard to follow God's will for me.Cause I know his way is the best way.

<3

So today I was a little bit disappointed.

I have this friend (?) umm anyway.. and so I never expected it but thenOne day  he told me he was a christian and I was like, "Wow! that's awesome!" Because he didn't really act like the kind of person you'd think would be  a christian. Anyway, but he said he didn't go to a church because he didn't like churches and so on etc. I tried to tell him  why it's good to be part of a church but then I was just like, "Oh well I guess if he has a good personal relationship with Christ then it doesn't really matter if he goes to church then huh?" Anyway. (I was wrong I just didn't know it) but recently I've been learning how important it is to be part of the body of christ and to be a part of a strong family of believers and have corporate fellowship and worship together. And so I was thinkin' "Hey, I bet [insert name of friend here] really should hear this! Since I've experienced how awesome it is to be part of  this kind of community I want him to experience it too, so that he can have a stronger relationship with God!" And so I'd been planning to try to talk to him about this and stuff and to invite him to [one of] my church[es]! And I prayed really hard for God to just soften his heart and open his mind to these truths and I asked some other people to pray too. So today I tried to talk with him about it and we got as far as me saying it's important for him to have fellowship with other christians and then he replied, "Well I'm having fellowship right now aren't I? I'm talking to you and your a christian." and I then we walked out into the big hallway and I was like, "But.. umm! I wanted to... uhh!" and he just sort of walked away into the crowd.

I don't really know what I expected to happen I mean, I knew he was pretty much against the idea  of going to church and  I couldn't say much to persuade him but it still made me really sad that he just walked away like that. So I was really disappointed and I (shamefully) went into the nearest bathroom and cried a little. I just feel like all I want to do is help but people are so prideful and close-minded. >< 

*sigh* Anyway... I'm still going to try to talk to him again sometime and try to invite him to [one of] my church[es]. ^^ I'll just pray some more and try again.

"If you know people who have wandered off from the God's truth, don't write them off. Go after them. Get them back." -James 5:19. 

<3

Currently Reading The Chronicles of Narnia By C.S. Lewis see related

So,  the first crush I ever got was in 2nd grade on a boy named Timothy. ^^ Me being myself I wasn't afraid to talk to him and stuff and eventually over the course of my elementary school career we became very good friends ( though we both still had underlying mutual feelings about eachother heehee! <3) we'd talk and hang out all the time and he'd tell me jokes and we'd share our cheesenips at lunch and so on and we hung out with most of the same people. but then... dun dun dun. At the end of 5th grade when we were all fixin to go to middle school, I was dealing with my parent's divorce and stuff and I was pretty certain I wouldn't be going to the same school as Tim because I was moving away with my mom to Cy-fair. So I was really sad and heartbroken cause I thought I'd never see him again and all that. you know? Anyhoo. 6th 7th and 8th grade go by... I switch middle schools about 3 times and all that eventually I moved on and I never expected to see him again so yeah. Then last year I met Angel and Lisa and we became good friends so I started going to Garden Oaks baptist on sunday and wednesday evenings and all that and even though Jacob and Jenny Millard went there too I still didn't expect to see Tim there and then all of a sudden its like "WHOA. its Tim.. he's all tall now and still as cute as ever!" But it was all awkward though cause of all our past stuff and me just starting to go there not knowing he went there too. So like I said it was awkward. And if you know me... you know that I HATE awkwardness. I despise awkward tension between me and other guys. And all I expected of him was friendship. I honestly didn't need or  want anything more of him you know? I was just afraid to talk to him about it. SO then during the retreat on friday  I told Angel how I was feeling and she was like, "You need to tell him! Stop overanalyzing!" And literally forced him out of a golf cart cart and left me and him there by ourselves in all the awkwardness. So then I told him how I felt and stuff. ANd then OMGosh... afterwards I was so grateful that Angel did that because he just totally understood  when I told him and it made me so happy! ^^ He said he thought it was cool that I was going to Garden Oaks and he even thanked me for being honest and all that cause he felt the same way. And was just so happy and thankful that  God helped him grow up to be such a sweet and understanding guy. I was happy. ^^

<3

She doesn't even know me at all.

She and I both thought we did. But then I look at who I've become and think, "Well... I'm a new and different person now. And she doesn't even know me. She only knows the old me and assumes that every choice or action I make is of the old me."  it's sad.

If she's only going to assume that my every motive for my action are evil and mean like that then she does not know me at all. But she's too busy with all her new friends to get to know me all over again. It's like I'm just one of her extra friends on her long list so that she can say she knows me to impress others or something, or like I'm only there for her to hang around when she's bored and none of her other friends are there. I've tried to talk to her about it but it's like no matter what I do she can't get it into her head that SHE NEEDS TO ACT   LIKE MY FRIEND BEFORE SHE CAN SAY SHE IS!!!! She needs to treat me like one of her closest friends if she's going to say it. Somewhere in the new testament it says, "Do not claim an oath of something without acting upon it." I think this stands for human friendships too.  If you are going to say that you're my friend then you need to at least act like my friend instead of being too preoccupied with 50000 other people that you don't really care about. And if you're going to act like my friend then at least try to get to know me. That way you might not make stupid assumptions that I'm just an evil person and you wouldn't have to say things like, "I wish Lydia would be nice to people."   Just like you? right? as if you're so perfect and nice to everyone else, right? And you would know and understand how I was feeling well enough not  to say "she's controlled by jealousy!" because that is B.S. and you know it. Why do you say things like that? to make yourself look better than me? Maybe I don't even know you, I mean if you're going to go saying things like that. I may have been jealous okay, I admit that. I was jealous. But that never meant that jealousy was "controlling" me. WHat kind of wannabe psychiatrist crap is that?

I'm done for now. I'll be late for school.

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